Incontinence and Sex: Orgasm or Urination?

Talking about sexuality can be an embarrassing topic for many people. Talking about incontinence can be an equally embarrassing topic. Having a satisfying sex life when incontinence gets in the way can be a super difficult topic to address. Having incontinence can rattle a person’s self-confidence and in turn cause them to pull away not only from social but romantic and sexual relationships as well.

Incontinence does not have to be a barrier to a healthy sex life. Discussing the problem with your partner, while it may take courage, is an important step to making sure the problem does not affect your sex life. Depending on your type of incontinence you may not even experience any problems and instead are fearful of the “what if” situation.

Peeing during sex is a very common concern. However this is mainly a female issue because men’s bodies have a natural mechanism that prevents urination when they have an erection.

Male incontinence during sex:

When a man has an erection, the sphincter at the base of his bladder closes so urine can’t pass into his urethra. This means that most men can’t urinate during sex.

Men who’ve had their prostate removed surgically to treat prostate cancer often experience incontinence during sex. They’re most likely to have leakage either during foreplay or when they climax.

Female incontinence during sex:

Many of the women who have some level of general incontinence may experience leakage during sex. Some women who worry that they’re peeing during sex may not really be urinating. Instead they may be experiencing female ejaculation during orgasm. During sexual activity, some women experience an expelling of fluid at orgasm. This is called female ejaculation. Some researchers claim only urine is expelled. Others believe that the paraurethral glands create a fluid that’s similar to the male ejaculate made in the prostate.

The paraurethral glands also known as the Skene’s glands, come together in a cluster at the outside opening of a woman’s urethra and produce a clear or whitish fluid. This may also serve to moisten both the urethra and the tissue surrounding the vagina. The tissue surrounding the paraurethral glands is connected to the vagina and clitoris. These glands can be stimulated through the vagina. Some people believe this is the controversial G-spot, or the erotic zone that’s said to yield greater arousal and stronger orgasms.

Women can experience urine leakage during sex or when having an orgasm, or both. Leakage happening during sex is easy enough to understand. Sexual activity can place extra pressure on the abdomen, causing urine to leak. This often causes many people to avoid sexual activity, as it makes them feel unattractive or not clean. There are ways to minimize the chance of leakage during sexual activity.

Here’s what you can do:

• Emptying your bladder before sexual intercourse can reduce your likelihood of leaking.
• Limit fluid intake prior to sex. Avoid drinking anything for about an hour before you think you’ll have sex. You also should go to the bathroom just before sex. Make sure to remain hydrated at all times.
• Improve your bladder control with bladder training.
• Perform Kegel exercises regularly. Studies have shown that women who do Kegels on a regular basis suffer less leakage during sex.
• Research has shown that being overweight increases the risk for incontinence. Losing 5–10% of body weight may reduce this risk.
• Certain positions may put extra pressure on your bladder and urethra. Experiment with sex positions such as rear entry, side entry and woman on top, until you find an enjoyable position, which causes less leakage during sex.
• Talk to your doctor about treatment to help control your incontinence.
• Protect the Furniture before hand - Put towels or under pads down and don’t worry about an accident.
• Take a breather – Between foreplay and sex, take a bathroom break.

While it’s understandable to want to avoid the stigma surrounding incontinence, and I know many people would rather not talk about it, nothing should keep you from having a fulfilling relationship with your partner. Take some steps to talk, prepare and remain honest with your partner. I can’t stress enough how important it is to talk with your partner no matter how stressful that may be. As with anything, communication is key and with communication comes understanding.